Being pregnant is much different than being pregnant* (*pregnant after miscarriage).
I’ll admit, I haven’t figured out how to navigate it perfectly.
But after being pregnant* three times, I wanted to share a little of what I’ve learned.
When you’re pregnant*
- Enlist a prayer team – people you know who will pray, give you good and helpful council and share with you words that make a difference.
- Focus on truth found in God’s Word. Read it. Memorize it. Display it where you’ll look at it throughout the mundane parts of your day.
- Pray truth about God, instead of worrying disguised as prayer.
- Pray for wisdom to know when it’s a genuine concern to be aware of in your body and when you’re obsessing over the “what ifs” and over-interpreting what you’re feeling.
- Let yourself celebrate and love your baby – no matter how long you get to carry him or her. Love that little one while he or she is alive! God valued him or her enough to create the baby. It wasn’t an accident or oversight. He has called you to be a mother to that little one.
When you know someone who is pregnant*
- Do not say, “It will all be ok; I know this baby will be fine.” Simply put, it’s a lie. I’ve been on both sides of statistics; I don’t care much for unfounded wishful thinking. This shallow thought is not comforting.
- Pray. Do not only pray for health of the baby. Also pray for the emotions and thoughts of the mother to be founded on God’s truth.
- Share truth. Remind her that God is strong. Simply email a verse or passage. She likely doesn’t need to be preached at; yet simple reminders of truth are encouraging.
- If you haven’t experienced this kind of loss, please don’t try to compare it to losses you have felt, such as losing your grandma to cancer. Yes, they are both painful experiences, but no, they are not the same. Read what it is like to lose an unborn baby, and remember that every story is different, and every grief is unique. If she would like to share her story with you, be a supportive listener. If she’s not ready yet, be a steady friend, simply knowing that the feelings during this pregnancy may be different.
- Do not minimize past losses. Love all of her little ones, physically with us or not. Help her celebrate the new life she is carrying, even if she has moments of fear.
If you’ve been pregnant*, please comment below, sharing what else has been especially helpful for you.
And please know, I’ve prayed for you and all of the parents who read this little blog who have experienced a similar loss and hurt. My prayer is that you find true peace and healing through Jesus Christ, who loves you and loves your little one more than we could even imagine.