First-Home Experiences
Our first home was a top-floor apartment in the city. The floors sloped steeply, so anything dropped in the kitchen immediately rolled to the far window. The angle made the back set of stairs an adventure in climbing – especially when carrying multiple bags of groceries. It had a bedroom with a walk-in closet, complete with a green, plastic “chandelier” I loved. Our office/guest room fit precisely one bed and one desk. The postage-stamp sized yard was claimed by the dog who lived with his owner on the first floor. The best open space to get outside was the nearby cemetery. The place was small, and so was the rent. The top of a particular tree was perfectly visible when sitting on the living room couch, and it was always the first to display color when fall was arriving.
At this home we hosted friends and family, started grad school and got our real introduction to adulting and married life. It was the perfect fit for us for that time.
With crime and space and the crazy climbing stairs, we knew this wasn’t where we wanted to raise kids. When the time was right, God let us buy our first home in a small town nearby.
Small-Town Living
Though our new house was small, it was bigger than what we had before, and the yard was gigantic compared to what we had at the apartment. I was basically sold on the deck alone. We had bamboo floors and a first-floor laundry nook. The two bedrooms let in sunshine, and we planted sunflowers, berry bushes and a vegetable garden. We were literally close to the nearby highway overpass, and we found a church we loved nearby.
At this home, we brought home babies, mourned deep losses, hosted friends and family, overcame bigger challenges and learned how to grow as a young family. It was the perfect fit for us at that time.
When we brought home our third baby, the two, tiny bedrooms couldn’t fit another bed or even a crib, so we knew we couldn’t stay. When the time was right, God led us to sell our home.
Unexpected Moves
We hadn’t found our next home yet, so we moved in with my parents. The plan was to stay for a few weeks while we kept house hunting. We packed and stored our things at the homes of friends and family, and we lived out of two of their bedrooms as guests. The weeks turned to months, and fall turned to winter. My job was cut from full time to part time. So was our home-buying budget.
I started to look around and compare. Seeing friends move into bigger houses and get promotions, I only saw the things God was taking away: our home, our income, parts of my job. I saw the negatives – in my 30s, living with my parents, job decreasing, no home of our own on the horizon. I started feeling like God forgot about us. I stopped trusting Him.
In reality all these things were gifts as God provided in unexpected ways. In this home, we got to do life with my babies and my parents together, a gift not all people get to have and fewer appreciate. I didn’t choose to see it that way, but it was the perfect fit for us at that time.
Unusual Open Doors
The spring came, and we found ourselves in the same place, much longer than we had anticipated. At the university where I worked, a position was posted for a resident director of a women’s residence hall. A few of my friends came to mind, so I quickly forwarded the position to them and told them I thought they would be a great fit for the role. Time went by, and a few different people suggested I apply. I wasn’t convinced.
The people I knew who filled similar roles were counseling majors or experienced in counsel, wise and able to pour into the girls who lived there. I was a communications major; I didn’t feel prepared.
When more others mentioned that they thought I should apply too, I finally had to consider it. I brought it up to my husband, who quickly said he thought it was a good idea.
That was the first shock. I’m typically the one ready to jump into everything; it all sounds like a great idea! He’s typically the one to remind me to pump the breaks, slow down and consider it more before saying yes. His first response is usually “no,” but this time was different.
We applied and went through the interview process. The more we learned about the role, the more God gave me the desire to do it! The main idea was to live in the residence hall and do life with the girls, pointing them to Christ in words and example as much as possible. When circumstances and situations grew bigger than that, I’d have a team of people to lean on and help with challenges and counseling. Both Johnny and I were eager and excited. We waited as the process continued, and finally we were offered the job.
The error of my comparison and feeling sorry for myself was brought to light when the person who hired us said one statement: “Had you still had your full-time job, we would not have even considered you for the position.” I had been teaching classes, taking classes for my master’s degree, working part time and raising kids who were only a few months old through age 6. Adding the resident director position to a full-time job would not have worked.
At the moment I heard those words, God let me see it. God wasn’t just taking things away from me. He was not abandoning me. The taking away was the gift. He was removing the things that needed to be removed in order to bring in the new thing He was preparing.
I didn’t even want the position originally, so we never would have sold our house or delayed buying a new one for the purpose of moving to a residence hall. I would not have been considered for the position if my job had not been decreased to part time. I wouldn’t have seen God provide in special ways if He just dropped a new house in our path at the timing when we wanted it.
He was doing things I never would have planned nor even imagined.
Extended Family Living
That summer, we moved into the residence hall just a few weeks before classes began. Our kids were 1, 2 and 6 years old. In this home, we planted lilies and tulips, mourned more losses, became part of an amazing community, finished master’s degrees, overcame more challenges, raised our babies into kids, learned countless things, grew in so many ways, led teams of leaders and had the privilege of living with more than 100 sisters. It was a unique and unusual life, and it was the perfect fit for us for that time.
We thought that time would be longer. But it was cut shorter than our own plans would have chosen. When asked how long we would be in this role, we’d always answer – “as long as God has us here.” Years down the road, I expected Him to change our desire and have it set on something else, which would have signaled us to move on from here. Our desire hadn’t changed. But when the university closed, He gave a very clear signal that our time here was complete. Again we find ourselves looking for next steps.
Faithful Stone Reminders
At first glance, I still see the things He has taken away: ministry, community, friends, jobs – and soon, a home. In his kindness, He has filled some of those needs – providing jobs and new ministry opportunities. Again – no next step for a home is in sight, but an end at this home is clearly marked and coming quickly.
However, this time, I have the privilege of looking back and remembering that how God works is based on who God is. He is good, sovereign and kind. Yes, He takes away. And when He does, it’s because there is purpose and care – not abandonment or forgetfulness.
As I look back at the first time we were looking for a next home and coming up short, my biggest regret from that era was my not trusting God. I let the circumstances convince me to forget who He is. I focused on the things that were gone and the uncertainty ahead of me. This prevented me from seeing His provision and His gifts He was giving at the moment. I lived like I was forgotten instead of living like I am the child of a loving Father.
Instead of choosing to spiral into the same distrust, I have to look at God’s faithfulness in the past and use that as a stone to stand on. To know His faithfulness remains now in this time of uncertainty and will continue as we step out into the next thing He calls us to do.
The Israelites used actual stones as memorials to remind them of God’s power, provision and faithfulness. God instructed them to set them up as physical, tangible ways to bring them back to the truth of God’s love as it was displayed in their nation’s history. Now, we can read about the moments that led to building up those monuments, and we also have moments in our personal history that call for marking with similar stones.
The temptation to toil and spin and be worried and bothered by so many things is constantly there. Sometimes I slide into believing it. I’m grateful for the church, husband and community that continues to remind me of truth in those moments.
I don’t want to regret any more times of not trusting God. I don’t want to overlook the goodness of these moments: God has provided for our family in so many amazing and unexpected and powerful ways, many times through His people.
I’m grateful for the stones that remind me I can’t stand on my own false foundation of limited knowledge and power. God has not forgotten. He is not limited in might. His love has not been weakened.
Next Step?
At this moment, I have no idea what the next step is. But I can put my trust in God and know that He already has figured out the future. He has a plan for what will be the next perfect fit for us at that time.