Being pregnant is much different than being pregnant* (*pregnant after miscarriage).
I’ll admit, I haven’t figured out how to navigate it perfectly.
But after being pregnant* three times, I wanted to share a little of what I’ve learned.
When you’re pregnant*
- Enlist a prayer team – people you know who will pray, give you good and helpful council and share with you words that make a difference.
- Focus on truth found in God’s Word. Read it. Memorize it. Display it where you’ll look at it throughout the mundane parts of your day.
- Pray truth about God, instead of worrying disguised as prayer.
- Pray for wisdom to know when it’s a genuine concern to be aware of in your body and when you’re obsessing over the “what ifs” and over-interpreting what you’re feeling.
- Let yourself celebrate and love your baby – no matter how long you get to carry him or her. Love that little one while he or she is alive! God valued him or her enough to create the baby. It wasn’t an accident or oversight. He has called you to be a mother to that little one.
When you know someone who is pregnant*
- Do not say, “It will all be ok; I know this baby will be fine.” Simply put, it’s a lie. I’ve been on both sides of statistics; I don’t care much for unfounded wishful thinking. This shallow thought is not comforting.
- Pray. Do not only pray for health of the baby. Also pray for the emotions and thoughts of the mother to be founded on God’s truth.
- Share truth. Remind her that God is strong. Simply email a verse or passage. She likely doesn’t need to be preached at; yet simple reminders of truth are encouraging.
- If you haven’t experienced this kind of loss, please don’t try to compare it to losses you have felt, such as losing your grandma to cancer. Yes, they are both painful experiences, but no, they are not the same. Read what it is like to lose an unborn baby, and remember that every story is different, and every grief is unique. If she would like to share her story with you, be a supportive listener. If she’s not ready yet, be a steady friend, simply knowing that the feelings during this pregnancy may be different.
- Do not minimize past losses. Love all of her little ones, physically with us or not. Help her celebrate the new life she is carrying, even if she has moments of fear.
If you’ve been pregnant*, please comment below, sharing what else has been especially helpful for you.
And please know, I’ve prayed for you and all of the parents who read this little blog who have experienced a similar loss and hurt. My prayer is that you find true peace and healing through Jesus Christ, who loves you and loves your little one more than we could even imagine.
Catch Up:
Read “My Nameless Child: Being Held Through Miscarriage”
Read “Pregnant* After Miscarriage (Part 1: Changing Expectations)”
Read “Pregnant* After Miscarriage (Part 2: Overcoming Fears)”
Read “Pregnant* After Miscarriage (Part 3: Allowing Goodness)”
Read “Pregnant* After Miscarriage (Part 4: Shifting Prayers)”
Sumayya
Im 6 wk pregnant after 4abortion.. one was in5th mnth.. im soo worried nw.. each n every seconds im worried..
Tabitha
This is so helpful to me. Just experienced my second loss and nobody around me understands how I feel. And me being a total introvert this help make me feel better about my emotional state as is. Than you so much…..
tvteka.tv
It’s frustrating, but it’s no reason to stop trying to get pregnant, as plenty of women who had unexplained miscarriages have delivered healthy babies,” says Jensen.
Hannah
I am currently pregnant*. I’m having a hard time fighting the fear and questioning every symptom. I know God is in control and my worries and fears will not change anything. I keep praying for peace in His will, as well as, the health of myself and baby. It is so hard, but I’m trying to relax and enjoy whatever time I have with my precious child.
Erika at Simple.Spectacular!
Hannah, I’m so sorry for your loss. And I’m so happy for your new little one! As you know, I’m familiar with those feelings. It’s truly a minute-by-minute battle of the mind to focus on what you know is true instead of the “what ifs.” I just prayed for you and your sweet little one to have health and for your peace of mind in trusting God. Something that helps me is reminding myself of God’s truth constantly… here’s a start; I hope it helps! https://simplespectacular.com/words-that-make-a-difference-in-difficult-times/
Coty
Honestly just being there without saying or planning for the future is best for me
Erika at Simple.Spectacular!
Great thought. No need to solve the problem. Thanks for sharing.
Ana
Dear, thank you so much for your words! I was pregnant twice and now I am pregnant* for the first time… 7th week. Waiting for the bleading to start I cannot help myself. I know dear God is Love and he is in control…but it looks like I really do not KNOW it. Know what I mean? I seek his arms in holding me together, because I really do not want to spend all my pregnant* days worriing. So… long story short -thank you for your words. Thank God for the internet, that we can help eachother 🙂 Blesses, Ana
Erika at Simple.Spectacular!
I do know what you mean, Ana. It’s not easy, but keep seeking His arms. Worry will naturally come; for me it takes effort to overcome it with truth – it’s a constant seeking of God and choosing to rest in Him instead of give in to worry. Prayed for you!
Bethany
I was pretty blissfully positive when I actually got pregnant with my first three (getting pregnant was the hard part, but they all “stuck”). Then, the first time I was pregnant* again (after four consecutive miscarriages) I followed a lot of the same suggestions you list here. I also had created a playlist during my miscarriages of songs that helped me focus on the truth (quite a few were R&B/rap style because the harshness and pain of the tone matched my feelings while the words reminded me the truth I needed to focus on. #5 was really difficult for me – because I felt like there was no “safe” point. Only God knew what would happen at birth, or five years later, or… and that drove me again to focus on God’s love and sovereignty instead of a certain date on a calendar or a test result. Thanks for all you’ve shared about being pregnant*.
Erika at Simple.Spectacular!
I’m so sorry for your four losses! I love your idea of the playlist; music has a unique way of reaching our minds and emotions. Number five was hard for me too. I was jolted into it when someone offered excited congratulations, and I was initially taken aback because the only thing I had let myself do was fear. It was then I knew as that little one’s mama, I needed to make the choice to celebrate that little one, even if it would be painful later. It’s true – parenting has been a huge challenge for me to trust God, over and over and over. There’s nothing more that has shown me how little control I have, yet also how big and trustworthy God is. Thanks for sharing just a little of your story and advice to help others!